One of the most important, if not the most important part of a relationship is communication. If you are not able to communicate with your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, and just people in general. It is important to be able to not only tell how you feel, but also to be able to listen, and ask the right questions. I am just like any other girl in that I love to talk, and can for hours on end. I find that it is really important for me to find a spouse that I feel that i can tell anything too and they will treat me just the same no matter what. I have had plenty of conversations where I was the only one talking, because the other person would not open up. I find it very attractive when someone is able to trust me and tell me things that they would not tell just anyone. For a long time I wanted to go into counseling, because i really enjoyed listening to people. It does not matter what is going on, I just really enjoy that people trust me and want to tell me about their day. I really enjoy listening to what people have to say, and I really enjoy when people will also listen to what I have to say. When someone is interested in what you have to say it makes whatever you are telling them seem like it is the most important thing to them.
When looking at this in a marriage, it is important to be able to go to your spouse with any problem that you might have. There will be times when you fight, but you cannot and must not go to your parents. This can cause some problems with your spouse and your parents. If there is something wrong, you need to make sure that you are cooled off and that you approach your spouse in a rational way. You do not want to go into any discussion already mad, because this will make the problem worse. Most of the time if there is emotion that is not positive it will probably not help the situation. When confronting problems you should ask yourself these three questions: 1. When discussing differences do we stay focused on resolving the problem? 2.Do we manage our emotions during conflict? 3. Do we maintain respect and concern for one another during an argument? This way you can see if you are just trying to win an argument, or if you have a "me" vs. "you" outlook at your problem. You need to face them together and realize that you are both going to have different opinions.Your job is to make sure that you look at both opinions and then from there you both decide what would best for the specific problem.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Hanging Out vs. Dating
In the world of an LDS young adult life can be kind of confusing. We are told to not date till we are sixteen and then we should only date in groups. When we finally reach the age where we should be dating exclusively we have a hard time adjusting. We are caught in the mentality that we should "hangout" and that we really do not know how to date. Don't get me wrong, I am not against hanging out, but I do think that there is a certain extent where hanging out is not what should be going on. There needs to be a time where, and yes I am old fashioned, a guy should ask the girl out. I believe that it is ok to meet in a more hang out situation, but then they need to move on and get up the guts to ask a girl out. The point of dating is to figure out if they could potentially be someone that you would be willing to be with. You are not able to get to know someone that close in such a big situation. In order to see what a person is really like one needs to spend time with them.
I was talking to my mom a couple weeks ago about the students here at BYU and the different social life that goes on. It is hard here, because there are so many different people that are amazing and could be really fun to date, but that most of the time the students are to scared to take a risk. Also so many, including myself, have thought that if they date someone, they will end up marrying them, and that is a little bit of a scary thing to think about. Another thing is that there is no line, when is it time to cut off the relationship if you do not think that you want to be with that person anymore? Is it after one two, or three dates you do not want to lead someone on if you do not really like them. But yet at the same time, how well do you know a person if you have only been out with them on a couple dates. Is it too soon to say that you want to date other people? Who really knows the answers to these questions, they are the ones that everyone is wondering. If anyone has the answers to these questions, they should let the rest of us know.
So which is better? I believe that hanging out is a great way to first meet someone and keep it less awkward, but then if there is someone that you are interested in, then you should take it to the next step. This is where dating comes into play, now this does not mean that you have to take a girl out to dinner or something really expensive be creative. Go for a walk, a picnic, or go to a park and swing. You do not really have to take the girl somewhere to dinner. I think it makes me like a guy so much more when he has something fun planned then just going out to dinner. Also these dates make it so that you can get to know the person that you are going out with. This way you can know what they like to do and what a possible second date could be. Also dinner does not have to be something that you have to do, and if you do, you do no have to make it a super expensive place. Just make it fun, and be yourself!!!
I was talking to my mom a couple weeks ago about the students here at BYU and the different social life that goes on. It is hard here, because there are so many different people that are amazing and could be really fun to date, but that most of the time the students are to scared to take a risk. Also so many, including myself, have thought that if they date someone, they will end up marrying them, and that is a little bit of a scary thing to think about. Another thing is that there is no line, when is it time to cut off the relationship if you do not think that you want to be with that person anymore? Is it after one two, or three dates you do not want to lead someone on if you do not really like them. But yet at the same time, how well do you know a person if you have only been out with them on a couple dates. Is it too soon to say that you want to date other people? Who really knows the answers to these questions, they are the ones that everyone is wondering. If anyone has the answers to these questions, they should let the rest of us know.
So which is better? I believe that hanging out is a great way to first meet someone and keep it less awkward, but then if there is someone that you are interested in, then you should take it to the next step. This is where dating comes into play, now this does not mean that you have to take a girl out to dinner or something really expensive be creative. Go for a walk, a picnic, or go to a park and swing. You do not really have to take the girl somewhere to dinner. I think it makes me like a guy so much more when he has something fun planned then just going out to dinner. Also these dates make it so that you can get to know the person that you are going out with. This way you can know what they like to do and what a possible second date could be. Also dinner does not have to be something that you have to do, and if you do, you do no have to make it a super expensive place. Just make it fun, and be yourself!!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Friendship In Marriage
I believe that it is one of the most important things to have your spouse be you best friend. This is important because when hard times come, and they will, you will be able to go to your best friend and discuss what is going on. This helps with when you need to strengthen your marriage, you will have the ability to go beyond just asking "How was your day?", you can really have deep discussions.
Ever since I was a little girl and I saw my parents relationship and heard my mother call my dad her best friend, I wanted that. I decided that day that I would be friends with my husband, and that he would be my best friend. This does not necessarily mean that we will be best friends before we get married, but I want to be really good friends. This way I know that I can trust my husband and he knows that he can trust me. I want to be able to tell him something and know that he will keep it to himself. This will really help when we fight or get into arguments, because I know that we will be able to talk to each other and over come our problems.
It is also important to not just have a good friendship before marriage, but to work on it all the time. This means that there need to be times where just "mom and dad" get time alone. This could be done everyday by just talking to each other. Have a specific time where just husband and wife can be alone. Since I am a very active person I think that it would be fun to do like my parents do, either exercise together or just take a walk together. I also like what my parents did with dates. They had a date night, Friday night, where they would go and do something that they wanted. Either dinner, a movie, even sometimes they would take a weekend off and spend a weekend together without kids. I find that this really strengthened their relationship and helped to make sure that they would know what was going on in each others life.
My mother also tried to have the house clean when my father came home that way the could just sit and talk. They would go and talk for about and hour when my father first got home. This is when the kids would take over dinner or anything that mom was doing, so dad and her could have their alone time. I really like this idea of just spending an hour right after work just to talk to each other. Along with this is the concept of "5 magic hours" meaning these five hours can help to strengthen relationships. This could be while making dinner, on a walk, and just talking to each other. It is really important to communicate with one another. That is the KEY to marriage, COMMUNICATION!!! You need to be open and not only just be able to talk, but to listen.
Last week I had an experience where I was talking to someone, and they told me that they feel bad when they talk so much around me. I told them that it was ok, because I preferred to listen instead of talk, and they corrected me and said that I also like to tell stories. I think this is the key, one person can not do all the talking or listening. It needs to be a two way thing, both people need to not only talk, but listen also. So that is important during these five magic hours. Make sure that each person gets a chance to talk, and listen. This will help to build that friendship that I was talking about that my parents have. They both learned to not only talk, but to also listen.
Ever since I was a little girl and I saw my parents relationship and heard my mother call my dad her best friend, I wanted that. I decided that day that I would be friends with my husband, and that he would be my best friend. This does not necessarily mean that we will be best friends before we get married, but I want to be really good friends. This way I know that I can trust my husband and he knows that he can trust me. I want to be able to tell him something and know that he will keep it to himself. This will really help when we fight or get into arguments, because I know that we will be able to talk to each other and over come our problems.
It is also important to not just have a good friendship before marriage, but to work on it all the time. This means that there need to be times where just "mom and dad" get time alone. This could be done everyday by just talking to each other. Have a specific time where just husband and wife can be alone. Since I am a very active person I think that it would be fun to do like my parents do, either exercise together or just take a walk together. I also like what my parents did with dates. They had a date night, Friday night, where they would go and do something that they wanted. Either dinner, a movie, even sometimes they would take a weekend off and spend a weekend together without kids. I find that this really strengthened their relationship and helped to make sure that they would know what was going on in each others life.
My mother also tried to have the house clean when my father came home that way the could just sit and talk. They would go and talk for about and hour when my father first got home. This is when the kids would take over dinner or anything that mom was doing, so dad and her could have their alone time. I really like this idea of just spending an hour right after work just to talk to each other. Along with this is the concept of "5 magic hours" meaning these five hours can help to strengthen relationships. This could be while making dinner, on a walk, and just talking to each other. It is really important to communicate with one another. That is the KEY to marriage, COMMUNICATION!!! You need to be open and not only just be able to talk, but to listen.
Last week I had an experience where I was talking to someone, and they told me that they feel bad when they talk so much around me. I told them that it was ok, because I preferred to listen instead of talk, and they corrected me and said that I also like to tell stories. I think this is the key, one person can not do all the talking or listening. It needs to be a two way thing, both people need to not only talk, but listen also. So that is important during these five magic hours. Make sure that each person gets a chance to talk, and listen. This will help to build that friendship that I was talking about that my parents have. They both learned to not only talk, but to also listen.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Husband and Wife vs. Living Together
In a marriage I believe that it is an equal and a shared responsiblity between both the man and the woman. There is not one that walks infront of the other, but that they walk side by side, together. I do believe that there are certain rights that each has, but all in all they are one and should make decisions together. For example the father's job is to provide, preside, and protect, while the mother's is to nurture. This may seem unfair, but the thought of raising children or haveing to work outside the home are both full time jobs. They both are equally resposible and they both are just as important as the other. They can not have one without the other. The best way to put it is in an example of a canoe, there are two people working together side by side, yet someone needs to take charge and be the one that will be the leader. The one that will stear the canoe. You can not have both people stearing, or else it will not go anywhere. The canoe will end up sitting in one place. Someone needs to take charge, yet they both have to work together toward a common goal. They first have to decide where they are going to end up going, they do this together, and then second they need to decide who will be the one that leads.
When in a relationship where the couple is just living together and there is no marriage involved, this could lead to some potential pain further down the road. As a couple living together they do not have to worry about divorce, yet they might end up breaking sometype of relationship between children. In todays world, it is ok to live with someone to "test" out the waters. This does not seem like a very good explaination for why they are doing this. First of all as just two people living together, there is no commitment involved in the realationship which can cause for an easy break up over a little fight, while in a marriage you learn to work things out. This can cause trouble if there are kids involved. Just like a divorce is so controversial, the break up of two people living together can also cause some pain to the children. This may seem like the easy way out, but do you really want to be that person that has to tell you kids that your boy/girlfriend is leaving and not coming back. This is not something that i ever want my children to go through!!! I never want them to feel like the did not have parents. Also as a couple living together how do they split up the responsibilities?? Who has what job, and what are they suppose to do?? Who nurtures, who provides??
This is becoming such a big thing to live together in the United States and in the World. States are now giving the same rights to these couples living together as they are to married couples. This does not seem fair, bacause as a married couple you have to work through your problems while the other couple just has to have one move out and the problem is fixed. There is nothing there to keep a man or a woman attached to their companion, except the fact that they might have children.
I do not believe that "testing" out by living together is they way to go about this. I believe that people should date and get into a serious relationship and learn about each other and then decide if it is right to get married. The trial marriage will most likly not work out and they will not most likely end up in a marriage, because it is so much easier to just live together!!
When in a relationship where the couple is just living together and there is no marriage involved, this could lead to some potential pain further down the road. As a couple living together they do not have to worry about divorce, yet they might end up breaking sometype of relationship between children. In todays world, it is ok to live with someone to "test" out the waters. This does not seem like a very good explaination for why they are doing this. First of all as just two people living together, there is no commitment involved in the realationship which can cause for an easy break up over a little fight, while in a marriage you learn to work things out. This can cause trouble if there are kids involved. Just like a divorce is so controversial, the break up of two people living together can also cause some pain to the children. This may seem like the easy way out, but do you really want to be that person that has to tell you kids that your boy/girlfriend is leaving and not coming back. This is not something that i ever want my children to go through!!! I never want them to feel like the did not have parents. Also as a couple living together how do they split up the responsibilities?? Who has what job, and what are they suppose to do?? Who nurtures, who provides??
This is becoming such a big thing to live together in the United States and in the World. States are now giving the same rights to these couples living together as they are to married couples. This does not seem fair, bacause as a married couple you have to work through your problems while the other couple just has to have one move out and the problem is fixed. There is nothing there to keep a man or a woman attached to their companion, except the fact that they might have children.
I do not believe that "testing" out by living together is they way to go about this. I believe that people should date and get into a serious relationship and learn about each other and then decide if it is right to get married. The trial marriage will most likly not work out and they will not most likely end up in a marriage, because it is so much easier to just live together!!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
President Gordon B. Hinckley
This past week the prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ Of Latterday Saints died. Although it is a sad time in our church it is also a time of happiness. My heart goes out to his family and those who are grieving. In our church we believe in a life after death, and the ability to be married to one's spouse even after death. This is such a happy principle when we think about how on this earth we are married as a husband and wife and then we are suppose to go through the rest of our life working with this person. Why would God then sever this relationship? You work most of your life in order to make this marriage work, then to only have it destroyed during death. I know that when I find the right person i want to be able to know that even if one of us dies that I will see and be with them again.
I can't imagine what it would be like to have your best friend die and then have to keep the church going. I will always look at him with the highest respect. He is the Prophet that I will always remember, because he was the one that gave me guidance through my teenage and my childhood. He will always be remembered in my mind as a loving, caring, and fun prophet. He had such a great love for the youth in the church. He had such a great Christlike attitude. He loved everyone and made sure that they knew it all the time. He will always be my Prophet.
I will always remember going to General Conference(which is like a big meeting for the whole church across the world, it is broad casted everywhere if not on TV then on radio) and getting the opportunity to sit up so close to the Prophet. I remember turning to my dad and saying that I could actually see the white of his eyes. It was an amazing experience to hear his words of concern and love. When he said that he loved me I believed it!!! He really did love and every other person in the church.
He was an amazing man and I am excited that he is able to be with his wife again. I know that they are together, because they both lived righteously and worthy of the right to live with each other. I remember him saying that he missed his wife and so now I am excited that he is able to live with her again. There is no doubt that I will miss him, but I hope that when I cross over that I can give him a hug and say thanks for everything that he did for me. I really appreciate all the work and love he put in. And I want to tell him that I LOVE him too!!!!
I am also excited to have Thomas S. Monson as our next prophet. I am so excited that I live in a church where I know who the next prophet is and I do not have to go through the process of figuring out for myself if the person that is the new Prophet is actually called of God. I am go thankful for this blessing, because I know that he is called of God, because that is how our church works. It is amazing the work of the lord.
So I would just like to say THANKS to my President Gordon B. Hinckley!!!! I love him!!!!
I can't imagine what it would be like to have your best friend die and then have to keep the church going. I will always look at him with the highest respect. He is the Prophet that I will always remember, because he was the one that gave me guidance through my teenage and my childhood. He will always be remembered in my mind as a loving, caring, and fun prophet. He had such a great love for the youth in the church. He had such a great Christlike attitude. He loved everyone and made sure that they knew it all the time. He will always be my Prophet.
I will always remember going to General Conference(which is like a big meeting for the whole church across the world, it is broad casted everywhere if not on TV then on radio) and getting the opportunity to sit up so close to the Prophet. I remember turning to my dad and saying that I could actually see the white of his eyes. It was an amazing experience to hear his words of concern and love. When he said that he loved me I believed it!!! He really did love and every other person in the church.
He was an amazing man and I am excited that he is able to be with his wife again. I know that they are together, because they both lived righteously and worthy of the right to live with each other. I remember him saying that he missed his wife and so now I am excited that he is able to live with her again. There is no doubt that I will miss him, but I hope that when I cross over that I can give him a hug and say thanks for everything that he did for me. I really appreciate all the work and love he put in. And I want to tell him that I LOVE him too!!!!
I am also excited to have Thomas S. Monson as our next prophet. I am so excited that I live in a church where I know who the next prophet is and I do not have to go through the process of figuring out for myself if the person that is the new Prophet is actually called of God. I am go thankful for this blessing, because I know that he is called of God, because that is how our church works. It is amazing the work of the lord.
So I would just like to say THANKS to my President Gordon B. Hinckley!!!! I love him!!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Family and the Great Plan of Happiness
So not many people know what the Great Plan of Happiness is, well as you know I am Mormon or LDS. We believe that we were sent to the earth for a reason, which is first to obtain a body. I believe that we are created or formed after God or Heavenly Father. Thus I believe that he has a body just like you and I do. Second to progress and grow not just physically but also spiritually. I believe that we are here on earth to be tried and tested. So in other words this is just a big test, and it will determine what happens after we die. I believe that we will be judged not only on our acceptance of Jesus Christ and his teachings, but also on our actions. This means that after we die I believe that we will meet with God and Jesus and we will be judged on our actions and how we were on earth. Third I believe that we are on this earth to form an eternal marriage and family. I believe that we can be married to our spouse not only for time, but forever. Think to yourself...what do you believe will happen after you die? Will you still be able to be with your family? Will you still be married to your wife or husband? Or do you have a civil marriage that lasts, "till death do you part"? Well in the LDS church we believe that we have been given the authority to marry people not only for time, but eternity. This means that after you die, you can still be married to your husband or wife, and your kids will still be your kids. What a wonderful gift that we can have to be able to live with our families forever, even after we die.
When we look at marriage like this we also must realize that it is not just a contract, but something much more sacred. Marriage is something that is commanded for us to do by God. It is his will and what he wants us to do. He has a plan and a path for each of us. He started with Adam and the Fall, because Adam fell he was able to have a family and children. Thus because of the fall we have the creation of the family.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Friday January 10, 2008
So I was a little worried about taking a marriage prep class...yes I am at BYU marriage central of the United States...and not engaged!!! But actually the class is really interesting. Man I am only 18 and yet people all around me are trying to push me into something that I am not sure that I am ready for. Thus I am one of many students that is taking a marriage prep class. In this class I'm learning about how important the relationship between the Husband and Wife is. It is important that I find the right person to adventually marry. After all marriage is the most important decision that I will make in my life, and I want to make sure that I marry the right person. My professor said something that really hit me. He said "If we do not define what we believe, others will define what we believe." I believe this, we live in a world where people will tell us what we believe, and don't really. How do they know what I believe? They are my beliefs not theirs. We don't have the right to tell people what they should believe and what they should not. I should not listen to what others say that I believe. I am going to decide when I am ready to date someone seriously and to finally get married and settle down...there are so many girls in this world that don't think that family is important. I BELIEVE that family is the most important thing in my life!!! I want to be able to find that right guy and settle down and have a family of my own.
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