Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I've been really sick lately, and not really knowing what was going on. I haven't been feeling good for a while, but I just thought that it was because I was tired of school and that I'd been overworking myself. But a couple of Saturdays ago we were out at a neighbors garage sale and suddenly I started not feeling too good. Next thing. I knew I was waking up to a very worried and concerned Steven. Apparently I had fainted and walked down the driveway only to land on the trash can and then roll off onto the ground. I hit my head and ended up with a huge headache and sick for almost a week.  I have a ton of tests I get to go though to try and figure out what's going on. 

Because I've been having more time to think and figure things out I've come to the realization. I've realized that really actions speak more than words. I've been a little sick lately, and it's been really eye opening for me. I've realized how much Steven loves me, he has really taken care of me and shown so much respect and love for me. I have realized that I would be lucky to be with him for the rest of eternity. The things he has said and how much he's checked up on me. And everything that he has done shows me that he really means he wants to marry me. I have also had some time to sort through some of the things that I've been struggling with lately. I've realized that for the good and for the bad our actions speak more than words. And lately I've realized that Stevens actions are exactly the perfect actions for a man that I want to marry. His actions prove that he really does find the things that matter to me important to him. That he believes the things I believe, he has the same goals that I have and he wants the same things I want. He really is a perfect man for me.

I've realized that I've been the one holding us back from moving forward, and that really he has proved over and over to me that he loves me and that he will make an incredible dad and husband. He's been so kind to me and because of this knowledge I won't be the one holding us back anymore! He's perfect for me:) and I'm glad that I have him!!!!

Have Faith

I have been trying to figure things out lately, and being the girl that I am that means I need to write things out or talk about it. But I'm just trying to figure everything out for a while. The last couple of months have been hard for me...I put on this face that everything's good, but inside I'm a wreck. I feel alone a lot of the time, and I know it's because I just moved here and I don't know many people...plus it's not the easiest thing to make friend when you are seriously dating someone...not many people jump at becoming one of your friends. Steven has so many friends, and I try really hard to let him do things he loves, but sometimes I find myself having spent a day completely alone. For some reason tonight I've been fighting back tears. They are probably just tears of stress and the fact that I'm so far from everyone that I know, minus Steve.

My mom always tells me how boys only need one person that they can trust and confide in, but as women we need about 5 people to confide in. I think this is where I have been struggling. You see I've been really holding things in lately. Working on not letting my parents know everything about my relationships, and realizing that that day may have finally come where they don't need to know everything. But I've also realized that as a woman I need to talk things out. Steven is great at letting me talk things through, and for that I will always be grateful. But right now I feel like I'm on a path and only I can decide what way to take. I love Steven and I know that I was told many times to move here and I'm glad I did. I guess though moving here has been hard. As if anything is ever easy right?? At least nothing that was ever worth it. Shoot if you don't believe me look back at my last post before I left on a mission...talk about a trial of my faith.

I think the reason I've been such a basket case lately is because I'm trying to figure this whole life thing out. You have no idea how intimidating it is to be dating a guy that knows everything about life. I mean I feel like the lowly scum in trying to figure things out. And really figure myself out...I feel like I was this person before my mission, and then I defined myself as a missionary, then as a MTC teacher. But now what?? I'm just a girl that has no idea what she is going to do with her life. A girl that is trying as hard as she can to put the people she loves first. A girl that feels like she fails at everything. A girl that is trying her best to show that life really is happy. A girl that has no idea of what the future holds for her. A girl that cries more often than she should. A girl that loves Steven more than anything she could ever imagine. A girl that has no idea how in the world she is going to make everything work, but some how she pretends to know it all. A girl that try's her best to make everyone happy, but sometimes forgets about herself. A girl that fainted a couple weeks ago and doesn't know why. A girl that is afraid of what might be wrong.

I did have a wonderful experience though all last week...I fainted not too long ago, and I had the worst most splitting headache for about a week. It was horrible, but during that whole week it helped me see how much Steven really does love me. I mean he was so caring and concerned the whole week. He really did show me how much he loves me and that he would jump through fire for me. I've been astonished with how much he really does care about me. So I guess what it all comes down to is that I'm not alone, I have the love of a wonderful man that really does care and would give the world if he needed to. I have a place to sleep and a roof over my head. Life is good:) I may not have all the answers and I may not know exactly who I am going to become but I do know that I don't have to be her tomorrow. I can work on figuring that out everyday. After all the things that matter the most are about giving your time to those you love and making sure that people come first.

Life Lately

Life has been so great lately...we all know how it can be taking a leap of faith, but it has been worth it!!! I decided to move out to Reno this last year around January. What canI say my grandfather would call me crazy for moving for a man but its been worth it. I met Steve almost 4 and a half years ago, and honestly I don't know what I was thinking then....he says I was a little but bratty I would prefer to call myself a little immature. Nonetheless when it comes down to it I'm here in Reno so I guess it all worked out.

Life has been fantastic lately!! We have some amazing adventures and we are able to grow closer together as we experience life together. Here is just some of what we have been up to lately....

We took a WONDERFUL (and I use wonderful here VERY loosely) trip to Colorado for the 4th of July. After a 15 hour drive our first day in Vail we ate some Qdoba and got food poisoning sometime around 1am. That left us pretty bent out of shape the the next day and a half. It was horrible!!! My family had planned this trip and all these hikes and things for us to do, but we couldn't even keep water down. Needless today we touched it out for a little bit and went for a bike ride. It was beautiful and we really enjoyed it. I just wished we could have enjoyed a little more of the vacation than we did. But other than getting sick it was pretty fun!!!

Towards the end of July we were able to take a trip to Idaho for Steve's family reunion. This one went a LOT better than mine. And included no food poisoning!! We went and met up with his two sisters and then his parents. It was a wonderful visit. I got to se BYU-I for the very first time. I loved seeing Steven light up as he showed us around campus and where his old classrooms were. It was a TON bigger than I thought. I guess in my mind it was this small little school, but NO it was beautiful and huge! We also got to spend a day roaming around Jackson Hole and we went rafting. It was a blast and I enjoyed it so much. It was also fun because we were able to meet up with one of Steve's friends Rustin and his wife Allison. They met up to show us around BYU-I and then they came rafting with us:) we finished our trip with Stevens wonderful talent of taking photos. So they hd family photos and then we headed out. We had a blast and were sad that we had to leave and VERY exhausted.

We had a super exciting moment where I felt my first earthquake. Now being from Colorado the most "natural disaster" that I've really experienced is a blizzard but that's about it. So I was at school (for my job....I work in the before and after school program) and suddenly I felt my feet shaking. It felt like someone had just jumped off the table and landed on the ground...but suddenly the whole building started to shake... I saw the rafters swaying back and forth. It only lasted for a couple seconds and then it was done! It was crazy I didn't know if it as wind or what...come to find out I experienced my first earthquake.. It was a 4.2 which really means nothing to me besides the fact that the ground was shaking....nonetheless it was so fun to live through and experience, and now I know when that happens to get under a table...opps!!! It was great!!! That week I also register for graduation!!!! YIPPEE!!! It is official I will be graduating from BYU come April 2014:) it took a little bit to figure everything out but I got all my classes and online stuff going!! And man I'm so excited:) I can't wait to be done!!!

We had a great Labor Day weekend, we drove to Boise ID to grab a '96 Dodge Stealth R/T Twin Turbo. (Okay I have no idea if that's even what it's called I should know considering its Stevens favorite car...but I don't know what the R/T means and if that's even something important. I just know that it was red:) ) and between you and me I LOVE that car!!! I drove it back from Idaho and man it was probably one of the best drives I've had. We started off with a rough start (I may have killed it twice right off the bat), but it ended really week. And what can I say I now can tell Steven that I love one of his cars based off something besides color. So that took most of Saturday and Monday we went for a hike out in California. (You see one blessing of being in Reno is that Cali is literally a twenty minute drive from us!) so we headed to a crystal mine and had a blast looking for crystals...I mostly just dug stuff up...okay so they were mostly rocks...but it was a blast!! We finally found some big ones right before we left! Put it on the list of things to do when near Reno:) it was a fantastic weekend and we both were exhausted and not so ready to start work the next day. That about sums up our lives here:) can't wait for more adventures:):)

Starts With Goodbye

So...I've been listening to the song by Carrie Underwood called "Starts With Goodbye". And in it this song talks about how we have to let go of some things we LOVE to get to the other side. As I've been getting ready to leave for my mission I realized that sometimes this is hard. It's a bittersweet farewell...I mean there are certain people that I have to say goodbye to that really HURT, and other's that I know we'll still be friends forever. I am starting to dread the day when I get on the plane to Utah and I have to say goodbye to my family...I guess it's just going to have to hurt, and that I'm just going to have to LET GO for just 18 months. I know that I will be blessed for this, but at the same time it's hard to leave and know that I won't be a part of people's lives for that time that I'm gone. And just as is says in the song "sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye." So I'm going to let go of some things I love...and realize that everything and everyone that is important to me will still be here when I get back.

You know it's crazy to actually think that I'm going to be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And that I get to WEAR my Savior's name on my chest for the next 18 months. I can't wait for that day to come where I can look at someone and just speak spanish to them without thinking. I can't wait to bear my TESTIMONY in spanish and be able to share the power of the atonement. I am so VERY excited for this opportunity to give a little bit of my life for something that I love, and be able to help other people along their way. MAN, to think that I BRITTANY LAUREN PLATT will be a missionary is really quite crazy, but at the same time I can't picture myself anywhere else. I mean I know this is where I'm suppose to be and where I want to be. I am willing to give up my WHOLE life for this gospel, and dedicate 18 months of it to it. I HOPE that I can touch one person, and help them realize that there is a point to living here. I want to make a difference in someone's life, and be that catalyst that makes them excited to know more.

I KNOW that this church is true and that Joseph Smith is truely a prophet of God sent here during this time to restore the Gospel on the earth. I know that he SAW God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. I know that because of this he found that no church was true. I know the Book of Mormon is TRUE, and that it is only through this book that we can gain a testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith. I know that President Monson is a prophet of God here on the earth today, and that he LEADS and GUIDES us based off Heavenly Father's plan. He will never lead us astray. I know that the Atonement is real and that because of Christ's SACRAFICE I am able to be forgive and have pains taken from me. I know for a fact that agency is part of the plan and that sometimes people choose things that hurt other's. And that He gave us agency to choose, but at the same time he also let us know that when we are hurt by other people that we can be WHOLE again through the Atonement. I know that God is still watching over me even when I feel like there is nothing else. And I know that he is aware of my DAILY WALK...and knows my stuggles and trials. How amazing is it that He knows each of us so personally, and no matter what I do He will still love me. I know that Satan is real, and that he knows the potential that we can have and will WORK to STOP IT! But if we put our hand in the Lord's Satan can have NO POWER over us! I testify that miracles do happen still, and that I have witnessed many different miracles in my own life. I LOVE my Father in Heaven and I LOVE my big brother and Savior Jesus Christ. I'm thankful for the fact that I can live with my family FOREVER, and never have to worry about what could happen if someone was to die. I love this church and can't wait to go and share my beliefs with the people in McAllen Texas!

Wearing MY Heart ON MY Sleeve

So I decided that WHO EVER DECIDED THAT WEARING YOUR HEART ON YOU SLEEVE was the phrase that meant you are putting yourself out there must have not known what that meant. So I had two really good experiences that I learned a lot from. The first dealt with a boy in my ward and the second with my best friend. I learned that first of all hearts NEVER break in equal places...someone ALWAYS gets hurt more than someone else! Luckly I was the one that got to experience this pain from both of these wonderful men. I realize that I was in a slump for a long time, but I now also realize that I gave them both my all. They each have a piece of my heart that I will NEVER get back. But I don't regret it in anyway! They are and were great guys that had their heads on straight...they KNEW what they wanted and had a plan! I put my whole heart out there, I was very hesitant with the first one in my ward, but now as I look back I realize that I loved him... I thought he was my knight in shining armor, come to save me from all the bad in this world. But timing just wasn't right for us and it hurt me. And the second was one that I dreamed of for YEARS! And I had never felt the way I did when I was with him...everything was comfortable and just worked. So I put my heart out there and they took a good chunk of it with them when they left. I'm not sure I will ever get it back, but right now I don't care. I know that I did my best and that I have NO REGRETS! They may have my heart, and I may have thrown it to the dogs, but I know that I can grow and replace that part of my heart, because I've done it before.

For the longest time I remember thinking I want that piece of my heart back...give it back to me. But now i realize that the reason things didn't work out was because I'm not suppose to be with them. I am suppose to go on a mission and put my whole heart into that...so i have someone else having a hold on my heart. So I wore my heart on my sleeve, I took the dance...and got shut down. BUT NOW I KNOW with my whole heart (even the missing parts) that I am suppose to go on a mission. And that things could have been amazing if they were suppose to happen. But I know that someday I will meet a boy who will be willing to give me his whole heart (even the parts that have grown back) and tell me that he doesn't want to kiss anyone but me for the rest of his life. And that is what I want...I want my TRUE knight in shining armor to come and sweep me off my feet and be the ONE and ONLY ONE in my life. But for now...that knight in shining armor is a black name tag with the name Sister Platt printed on it. And until I take that name tag off in over a year and a half that knight will have my heart...and my whole HEART! I'm putting it on my sleeve (or my blouse) and I'm not going to let ANYONE else take it.

The Power of the Atonement

So the past five months have been the WORST five months of my life! I would love to document some of the amazing lessons that I've learned. I decided in Novemeber that I wanted to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and ever since then I have been thrown any and all obsticles that I think were possible. The first lesson I learned is the amazing power of the atonement. I honestly have lived a very simple and (to be honest) easy life for most of my life. I never struggled with my testimony. I always had the desire to do what was right or what was asked of me. As the decision to serve a mission was final, I had the opportunity to discover for myself what the atonement was really like. I began to experience many different forms of pain, and began to let it weigh me down. To the point where I was severely depressed and struggling with who I was. I remember telling someone that I didn't know who I was, and that I was struggling with the fact that I was actually a daughter of God. I've always known that I am a daughter of God, but for the first time in my life satan really hit me hard with that. I struggled with my faith, and wondered if I would make it through this trial of my faith. I remember one night after I got into a fight with my best friend Brandi thinking that I didn't have the faith to get through this any more. That there was NO WAY on top of losing all my other friends that I could have the faith to make it through this one as well. I felt like the whole world was crashing down on me and that there was NOTHING i could do to try and keep it up. Every time I tried to pick it up something else decided to hit me, or another friend quit talking to me. It wasn't until after a talk (during which i cried) with my father that I finally realized what I needed to do to fix everything. This is where the atonement comes in...

He set me straight and told me that I was in NO SHAPE to go on a mission and that I needed to forgive people for what they had done to me. That I needed to read about Limhi and what he did in order to come to know God. So after hearing this and having my dreams become unreachable I decided that I needed to clean up my life and start the right way this time. I began the process of forgiving those people that may not have asked to be forgiven, or had known that they had hurt me. I learned that Christ not only suffered for our sins and our pains or afflictions, but he also suffered for the things at which we have no control over. He suffered for the fact that my roommate was abusive. He suffered for the fact that I had given my heart to someone that did not want it. He took that pain on already and had already suffered so that I did not have to feel that pain. After about two weeks of working with the Savior and Heavenly Father I had this feeling of a burden being taken off me. I sincerely felt as though I had this weight lifted off my shoulders. Like i was finally able to breathe, and move freely. I wasn't being weighed down by these pains anymore. I learned that God gave us agency, and that we are free to act. And I also learned to our actions NEVER just affect us. They always have an effect on someone else. I learned that God does not want people to hurt us, but that he gave them their agency...and so because of that he allows things to happen. He allows people to be abused or to be heartbroken or hurt because it is all part of the plan. Do does not want people to have to experience these things, but he allows them to happen because people were given their agency. And because of that he allows a way for me to overcome these pains. He allows the atonement to take place in my life and allow for those feelings to be taken away. This is part of his plan to make sure that we can endure it, and make it through! It is only through Christ and the atonement that we can fully forgive and move on. He makes it possible to become like him and the Father and be perfected.

I KNOW that atonement is real. I have felt the healing powers of it not only in dealing with sin and learning to repent, but also with learning how to forgive and put the weight on Christ. After all his burden is easy and light. He is the only on that can take that pain for us. He is the one that is able to understand the situation completely and know what would be best in how to heal the heart. I know that I AM A DAUGHTER OF GOD! I know with everything that I am that I am literally a daughter of God and that he is aware of not just my daily walk, but my every second. He is in all the details of my life, and wants me to succede. He has given me the opportunity to learn more about the atonement so that maybe some day I can helps someone else along their way. I know that Christ suffered and died for ME! I know that He is there for me when I feel like no one else it. He is that only person I can turn to when things are looking down. The only person I know for a fact cares about every part of my life! He is there for me no matter when I need a friend. I know that God loves me, even though sometimes I forget it, I KNOW that he in fact loves me and not just because I'm his daughter, but also because we have an amazing friendship that is based off trust. I know everyday that I wake up and see the sun that I am being watched over and that I'm never alone. He does care and wants me to succede.

CaN yOu HaVe WiThDrAwAlS fRoM nOt SeEiNg SoMeOnE???

So for the past couple of week I have been able to go on numerous dates...(and let me be the first to say that they were AMAZING DATES!!!!) At first I was not really interested in either of the two boys that were asking me out, but I figured that i was at least intrigued by them... So I figured that they deserved multiple chances. The first is a boy named Lane who is in my ward and asked me to meet him for ice cream with him and his camp kids. (He is a counselor for the music camps at BYU) This was really fun, although it did not really allow us to get to know each other very well. So i decided that he was at least interesting enough and kind enough that he deserved a second date. The second boys name is Adam...and we met through a mutual friend Melissa. The first time we met Melissa and I were out catching up after not seeing each other for a couple of months...so we were having ice cream when she gets a call from Adam who decides to come and join us with a couple of his friends. And pretty much everything that came out of his mouth that night was a lie... It was actually kinda funny. But then we met again when melissa was getting ready to leave to go back to Texas for the rest of the summer... We all met up for lunch and here is where we really started to hit things off...numbers were exchanged and to tell you the truth I didn't think that anything was going to happen. Melissa wanted us to hang out and so it was done to kinda please her (at least that is what I thought...). So I got a call from Adam the next day asking if I wanted to do something...only to get a text from Lane about five minutes later asking if I was busy that night. So I had to turn Lane down because I had just said yes to Adam. But we end up going on a marathon date...it started with dinner at a Thai place and then I was forced to choose if we wanted to go putt-putt golfing or to watch a movie. Either of which I was fine with, but of course I was forced to choose. So after picking the left hand (because I could not make up my mind...Adam had me choose which hand to decide what we were going to do.) we end up deciding to go to a movie. At this point in time it was like 8:30 and of course no movies were showing till 10pm so Adam being the sweetheart that he is said that we could go golfing first and then go to a movie...which i said we didn't have to unless he wanted to (i felt bad...i didn't want to use this kid, I mean i wasn't sure if I was interested and here he is taking me on like three dates in one night!!) So we head off to Trafalga (dating central here in Provo/Orem area). And then after to Night at the Museum Battle at the Smithsonian which was really good if I say so myself...

So that is the introduction to both boys that I have been going on dates with for about 3 weeks...

So Lane and I have been on like three dates, one of which includes hiking the BEAUTIFUL Stewart Falls. A super easy hike with AMAZING rewards! I highly recommend it if you have a couple of hours in Utah County that you need to kill. Totally worth it!!! And then after we headed to Five Guys Burger and Fries...which is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING if I do say so myself. But I found that I'm not really interested in him...and that could be because of Adam, but I'm not actually sure...

So Adam and I have been doing things together about everyday since...except when I ditch out on him to go out with Lane or someone else. But about a week and a half after being with him everyday I got home and realized that I was starting to fall for Adam. And for a while it kinda scared me...I didn't know what to do. But we still when out every night and did things and my liking him seemed to get bigger...if that even makes since. Well I found out like a week and a half ago that he was suppose to leave on Sunday the 12 of July to go back home to New Mexico. And I kinda got sad...i mean it is just my luck that when I start liking someone that they will just up and leave the state! But i figured that I would just take it for what it is worth and spend time with him while I have him!

But he left yesterday with a promise to call me while he is gone, and a "maybe we'll do something in the fall" (meaning if I wasn't dating anyone that we would do something...) And now I find myself this morning missing seeing him. I mean you can't go from seeing someone everyday to not seeing them without missing them and having withdrawals... So as lame as it is I kinda think that I fell harder than I expected to fall with him. But what can you expect, your heart and your mind rarely agree and go along with the same plan. So i'm left with my heart on my sleeve knowing that the person that it craves to be around is in New Mexico...and wondering if he even misses seeing me. I hope that he at least thinks randomly of me and misses me... WOW I don't know how this just turned into a dumping...but it did. Sorry about that...

ANYWAYS, other than that life is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! I mean I love where I am right now and everything that has been going on. It is crazy how the Lord blesses my life and just lets me know that he cares and is there! So with that I say I LOVE YOU and I hope everything is going well in your life!!!