Wearing MY Heart ON MY Sleeve

So I decided that WHO EVER DECIDED THAT WEARING YOUR HEART ON YOU SLEEVE was the phrase that meant you are putting yourself out there must have not known what that meant. So I had two really good experiences that I learned a lot from. The first dealt with a boy in my ward and the second with my best friend. I learned that first of all hearts NEVER break in equal places...someone ALWAYS gets hurt more than someone else! Luckly I was the one that got to experience this pain from both of these wonderful men. I realize that I was in a slump for a long time, but I now also realize that I gave them both my all. They each have a piece of my heart that I will NEVER get back. But I don't regret it in anyway! They are and were great guys that had their heads on straight...they KNEW what they wanted and had a plan! I put my whole heart out there, I was very hesitant with the first one in my ward, but now as I look back I realize that I loved him... I thought he was my knight in shining armor, come to save me from all the bad in this world. But timing just wasn't right for us and it hurt me. And the second was one that I dreamed of for YEARS! And I had never felt the way I did when I was with him...everything was comfortable and just worked. So I put my heart out there and they took a good chunk of it with them when they left. I'm not sure I will ever get it back, but right now I don't care. I know that I did my best and that I have NO REGRETS! They may have my heart, and I may have thrown it to the dogs, but I know that I can grow and replace that part of my heart, because I've done it before.

For the longest time I remember thinking I want that piece of my heart back...give it back to me. But now i realize that the reason things didn't work out was because I'm not suppose to be with them. I am suppose to go on a mission and put my whole heart into that...so i have someone else having a hold on my heart. So I wore my heart on my sleeve, I took the dance...and got shut down. BUT NOW I KNOW with my whole heart (even the missing parts) that I am suppose to go on a mission. And that things could have been amazing if they were suppose to happen. But I know that someday I will meet a boy who will be willing to give me his whole heart (even the parts that have grown back) and tell me that he doesn't want to kiss anyone but me for the rest of his life. And that is what I want...I want my TRUE knight in shining armor to come and sweep me off my feet and be the ONE and ONLY ONE in my life. But for now...that knight in shining armor is a black name tag with the name Sister Platt printed on it. And until I take that name tag off in over a year and a half that knight will have my heart...and my whole HEART! I'm putting it on my sleeve (or my blouse) and I'm not going to let ANYONE else take it.

The Power of the Atonement

So the past five months have been the WORST five months of my life! I would love to document some of the amazing lessons that I've learned. I decided in Novemeber that I wanted to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and ever since then I have been thrown any and all obsticles that I think were possible. The first lesson I learned is the amazing power of the atonement. I honestly have lived a very simple and (to be honest) easy life for most of my life. I never struggled with my testimony. I always had the desire to do what was right or what was asked of me. As the decision to serve a mission was final, I had the opportunity to discover for myself what the atonement was really like. I began to experience many different forms of pain, and began to let it weigh me down. To the point where I was severely depressed and struggling with who I was. I remember telling someone that I didn't know who I was, and that I was struggling with the fact that I was actually a daughter of God. I've always known that I am a daughter of God, but for the first time in my life satan really hit me hard with that. I struggled with my faith, and wondered if I would make it through this trial of my faith. I remember one night after I got into a fight with my best friend Brandi thinking that I didn't have the faith to get through this any more. That there was NO WAY on top of losing all my other friends that I could have the faith to make it through this one as well. I felt like the whole world was crashing down on me and that there was NOTHING i could do to try and keep it up. Every time I tried to pick it up something else decided to hit me, or another friend quit talking to me. It wasn't until after a talk (during which i cried) with my father that I finally realized what I needed to do to fix everything. This is where the atonement comes in...

He set me straight and told me that I was in NO SHAPE to go on a mission and that I needed to forgive people for what they had done to me. That I needed to read about Limhi and what he did in order to come to know God. So after hearing this and having my dreams become unreachable I decided that I needed to clean up my life and start the right way this time. I began the process of forgiving those people that may not have asked to be forgiven, or had known that they had hurt me. I learned that Christ not only suffered for our sins and our pains or afflictions, but he also suffered for the things at which we have no control over. He suffered for the fact that my roommate was abusive. He suffered for the fact that I had given my heart to someone that did not want it. He took that pain on already and had already suffered so that I did not have to feel that pain. After about two weeks of working with the Savior and Heavenly Father I had this feeling of a burden being taken off me. I sincerely felt as though I had this weight lifted off my shoulders. Like i was finally able to breathe, and move freely. I wasn't being weighed down by these pains anymore. I learned that God gave us agency, and that we are free to act. And I also learned to our actions NEVER just affect us. They always have an effect on someone else. I learned that God does not want people to hurt us, but that he gave them their agency...and so because of that he allows things to happen. He allows people to be abused or to be heartbroken or hurt because it is all part of the plan. Do does not want people to have to experience these things, but he allows them to happen because people were given their agency. And because of that he allows a way for me to overcome these pains. He allows the atonement to take place in my life and allow for those feelings to be taken away. This is part of his plan to make sure that we can endure it, and make it through! It is only through Christ and the atonement that we can fully forgive and move on. He makes it possible to become like him and the Father and be perfected.

I KNOW that atonement is real. I have felt the healing powers of it not only in dealing with sin and learning to repent, but also with learning how to forgive and put the weight on Christ. After all his burden is easy and light. He is the only on that can take that pain for us. He is the one that is able to understand the situation completely and know what would be best in how to heal the heart. I know that I AM A DAUGHTER OF GOD! I know with everything that I am that I am literally a daughter of God and that he is aware of not just my daily walk, but my every second. He is in all the details of my life, and wants me to succede. He has given me the opportunity to learn more about the atonement so that maybe some day I can helps someone else along their way. I know that Christ suffered and died for ME! I know that He is there for me when I feel like no one else it. He is that only person I can turn to when things are looking down. The only person I know for a fact cares about every part of my life! He is there for me no matter when I need a friend. I know that God loves me, even though sometimes I forget it, I KNOW that he in fact loves me and not just because I'm his daughter, but also because we have an amazing friendship that is based off trust. I know everyday that I wake up and see the sun that I am being watched over and that I'm never alone. He does care and wants me to succede.