Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I've been really sick lately, and not really knowing what was going on. I haven't been feeling good for a while, but I just thought that it was because I was tired of school and that I'd been overworking myself. But a couple of Saturdays ago we were out at a neighbors garage sale and suddenly I started not feeling too good. Next thing. I knew I was waking up to a very worried and concerned Steven. Apparently I had fainted and walked down the driveway only to land on the trash can and then roll off onto the ground. I hit my head and ended up with a huge headache and sick for almost a week.  I have a ton of tests I get to go though to try and figure out what's going on. 

Because I've been having more time to think and figure things out I've come to the realization. I've realized that really actions speak more than words. I've been a little sick lately, and it's been really eye opening for me. I've realized how much Steven loves me, he has really taken care of me and shown so much respect and love for me. I have realized that I would be lucky to be with him for the rest of eternity. The things he has said and how much he's checked up on me. And everything that he has done shows me that he really means he wants to marry me. I have also had some time to sort through some of the things that I've been struggling with lately. I've realized that for the good and for the bad our actions speak more than words. And lately I've realized that Stevens actions are exactly the perfect actions for a man that I want to marry. His actions prove that he really does find the things that matter to me important to him. That he believes the things I believe, he has the same goals that I have and he wants the same things I want. He really is a perfect man for me.

I've realized that I've been the one holding us back from moving forward, and that really he has proved over and over to me that he loves me and that he will make an incredible dad and husband. He's been so kind to me and because of this knowledge I won't be the one holding us back anymore! He's perfect for me:) and I'm glad that I have him!!!!

Have Faith

I have been trying to figure things out lately, and being the girl that I am that means I need to write things out or talk about it. But I'm just trying to figure everything out for a while. The last couple of months have been hard for me...I put on this face that everything's good, but inside I'm a wreck. I feel alone a lot of the time, and I know it's because I just moved here and I don't know many people...plus it's not the easiest thing to make friend when you are seriously dating someone...not many people jump at becoming one of your friends. Steven has so many friends, and I try really hard to let him do things he loves, but sometimes I find myself having spent a day completely alone. For some reason tonight I've been fighting back tears. They are probably just tears of stress and the fact that I'm so far from everyone that I know, minus Steve.

My mom always tells me how boys only need one person that they can trust and confide in, but as women we need about 5 people to confide in. I think this is where I have been struggling. You see I've been really holding things in lately. Working on not letting my parents know everything about my relationships, and realizing that that day may have finally come where they don't need to know everything. But I've also realized that as a woman I need to talk things out. Steven is great at letting me talk things through, and for that I will always be grateful. But right now I feel like I'm on a path and only I can decide what way to take. I love Steven and I know that I was told many times to move here and I'm glad I did. I guess though moving here has been hard. As if anything is ever easy right?? At least nothing that was ever worth it. Shoot if you don't believe me look back at my last post before I left on a mission...talk about a trial of my faith.

I think the reason I've been such a basket case lately is because I'm trying to figure this whole life thing out. You have no idea how intimidating it is to be dating a guy that knows everything about life. I mean I feel like the lowly scum in trying to figure things out. And really figure myself out...I feel like I was this person before my mission, and then I defined myself as a missionary, then as a MTC teacher. But now what?? I'm just a girl that has no idea what she is going to do with her life. A girl that is trying as hard as she can to put the people she loves first. A girl that feels like she fails at everything. A girl that is trying her best to show that life really is happy. A girl that has no idea of what the future holds for her. A girl that cries more often than she should. A girl that loves Steven more than anything she could ever imagine. A girl that has no idea how in the world she is going to make everything work, but some how she pretends to know it all. A girl that try's her best to make everyone happy, but sometimes forgets about herself. A girl that fainted a couple weeks ago and doesn't know why. A girl that is afraid of what might be wrong.

I did have a wonderful experience though all last week...I fainted not too long ago, and I had the worst most splitting headache for about a week. It was horrible, but during that whole week it helped me see how much Steven really does love me. I mean he was so caring and concerned the whole week. He really did show me how much he loves me and that he would jump through fire for me. I've been astonished with how much he really does care about me. So I guess what it all comes down to is that I'm not alone, I have the love of a wonderful man that really does care and would give the world if he needed to. I have a place to sleep and a roof over my head. Life is good:) I may not have all the answers and I may not know exactly who I am going to become but I do know that I don't have to be her tomorrow. I can work on figuring that out everyday. After all the things that matter the most are about giving your time to those you love and making sure that people come first.

Life Lately

Life has been so great lately...we all know how it can be taking a leap of faith, but it has been worth it!!! I decided to move out to Reno this last year around January. What canI say my grandfather would call me crazy for moving for a man but its been worth it. I met Steve almost 4 and a half years ago, and honestly I don't know what I was thinking then....he says I was a little but bratty I would prefer to call myself a little immature. Nonetheless when it comes down to it I'm here in Reno so I guess it all worked out.

Life has been fantastic lately!! We have some amazing adventures and we are able to grow closer together as we experience life together. Here is just some of what we have been up to lately....

We took a WONDERFUL (and I use wonderful here VERY loosely) trip to Colorado for the 4th of July. After a 15 hour drive our first day in Vail we ate some Qdoba and got food poisoning sometime around 1am. That left us pretty bent out of shape the the next day and a half. It was horrible!!! My family had planned this trip and all these hikes and things for us to do, but we couldn't even keep water down. Needless today we touched it out for a little bit and went for a bike ride. It was beautiful and we really enjoyed it. I just wished we could have enjoyed a little more of the vacation than we did. But other than getting sick it was pretty fun!!!

Towards the end of July we were able to take a trip to Idaho for Steve's family reunion. This one went a LOT better than mine. And included no food poisoning!! We went and met up with his two sisters and then his parents. It was a wonderful visit. I got to se BYU-I for the very first time. I loved seeing Steven light up as he showed us around campus and where his old classrooms were. It was a TON bigger than I thought. I guess in my mind it was this small little school, but NO it was beautiful and huge! We also got to spend a day roaming around Jackson Hole and we went rafting. It was a blast and I enjoyed it so much. It was also fun because we were able to meet up with one of Steve's friends Rustin and his wife Allison. They met up to show us around BYU-I and then they came rafting with us:) we finished our trip with Stevens wonderful talent of taking photos. So they hd family photos and then we headed out. We had a blast and were sad that we had to leave and VERY exhausted.

We had a super exciting moment where I felt my first earthquake. Now being from Colorado the most "natural disaster" that I've really experienced is a blizzard but that's about it. So I was at school (for my job....I work in the before and after school program) and suddenly I felt my feet shaking. It felt like someone had just jumped off the table and landed on the ground...but suddenly the whole building started to shake... I saw the rafters swaying back and forth. It only lasted for a couple seconds and then it was done! It was crazy I didn't know if it as wind or what...come to find out I experienced my first earthquake.. It was a 4.2 which really means nothing to me besides the fact that the ground was shaking....nonetheless it was so fun to live through and experience, and now I know when that happens to get under a table...opps!!! It was great!!! That week I also register for graduation!!!! YIPPEE!!! It is official I will be graduating from BYU come April 2014:) it took a little bit to figure everything out but I got all my classes and online stuff going!! And man I'm so excited:) I can't wait to be done!!!

We had a great Labor Day weekend, we drove to Boise ID to grab a '96 Dodge Stealth R/T Twin Turbo. (Okay I have no idea if that's even what it's called I should know considering its Stevens favorite car...but I don't know what the R/T means and if that's even something important. I just know that it was red:) ) and between you and me I LOVE that car!!! I drove it back from Idaho and man it was probably one of the best drives I've had. We started off with a rough start (I may have killed it twice right off the bat), but it ended really week. And what can I say I now can tell Steven that I love one of his cars based off something besides color. So that took most of Saturday and Monday we went for a hike out in California. (You see one blessing of being in Reno is that Cali is literally a twenty minute drive from us!) so we headed to a crystal mine and had a blast looking for crystals...I mostly just dug stuff up...okay so they were mostly rocks...but it was a blast!! We finally found some big ones right before we left! Put it on the list of things to do when near Reno:) it was a fantastic weekend and we both were exhausted and not so ready to start work the next day. That about sums up our lives here:) can't wait for more adventures:):)